I knew it was time to let go when…
…. consistent coping up with alcohol and flirting with other girls. I thought you were that faithful, to not even use other girls to hurt me.
….constant hate messages sent on the phone like i’m not a human who cannot feel pain. I just can’t erase them from my mind but I forgive you with that. Permanent damage can be done when you are angry and this is the consequence - bitter memories you can’t easily forget.
….crying myself to sleep has become a habit of mine although i already prayed to God a lot. sucks bigtime when my heart literally aches. i feel like i’m dying.
….friends reminded me of my worth, my self-worth that i have thrown when i decided to love you.
….you cannot accept my beliefs, i may be different but i swear i am not alone in this belief.
After 2 days, it feels so good not to hear/know/read any messages from you. I pray to God that He will guide you in the right way. I just can’t be with you to help you because I admit I am also healing still. I might not be able to do God’s will when I’m in an emotional turmoil myself.
I’m happier now. :) Although there are some episodes of sadness and hurt once in a while, i find more reasons to shake it off. God has been good to me.
Because I was really happy when I was still single and I was not looking, it is much easier for me to get back to my old life. I eat alone, go to the market alone, I go to mall alone. It was something I was so used to that I do not feel empty inside. I am so BACK. I’m ready to face the future with the lessons I have learned, I’ll have that stable job SOON(crossing my fingers). I’ll be an independent woman - making my own decisions, fearing God more, and preparing myself for a brighter future. oh YES! God is my solid foundation.
Time to sleep. goodmorning :)
May 31, 2012
3:22 AM
Checklist
Go back to the gym, and train.
Rekindle my passion with RUNNING
Go get stoked again! Ride the waves! Surfing!
Pugad adventure
STABLE JOB /HIGHER Paying JOB (Can’t you see? my desires are quite expensive)
Expand my friendship circle, better if with other fellow Christians.(i can express my thoughts freely to them)
Earn to buy myself a house and lot
Buy myself a car
Treat mom and dad to a cruise. They badly need this bigtime.
Rebuild our family house and make it modern, warm, and more clean. (haha)
Have a family on my own. (i need to be the right woman and be prepared first)
(i’ll add more next time ;) i can not afford more. be SMART. )
Not breaking my vow…
May 28, 2012
10:02 PM
Nothing is permanent in this world except change. Such a cliche but undoubtedly a fact no one can deny.
Yes. I want to change for the better. I want to have a more intimate relationship with GOD. Seek Him more. After all, He is the only one Who will be there to save me. Even my family and friends can turn their backs on me. I want God to be my Ultimate Bestfriend.
I am not perfect, not even close. Sometimes, I let my emotions rule me which is not right. Self-control. God wants us to be like Him - gentle and loving.
Dear God, I know you never gave up on me. I am a lost sheep, you are the greatest Shepherd. You pick me up and protect me from everything. I am renewing my vow with you. TAKE MY LIFE AND USE IT TO YOUR WILL. It is yours anyway. Help me dear God, to only please YOU. Reduce me until what is left of me is YOU.
All is well. My heart is at peace. God please claim me as one of your children. I will be the happiest. =,)
Decision
May 26, 2012
4:40 PM
God has my best interest at hand. Therefore, I will only let Him decide for me. If it is not pleasing in His eyes, then I will not go for it. Simple as that.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Stand there and look into my eyes
And tell me that all we had were lies
Show me that you don’t care
And i’ll stay here if you prefer
Yes i’ll leave you without a word
Without a word…
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